No, no, no, no........

Yesterday, I was asked in Bible Study the following question:

"What is your five year plan with the Lord? Where do you want to end up?"

This Mens Breakfast Bible Study is a weekly group that has an unusual degree of closeness, honest and connection for a group of men. About four of us had to leave early and so we talked first and the answers were:

1. I want to go into missions.
2. I want to develop the outreach of the church.
3. I want to grow in the Lord.

But at my turn, I had to be honest. In December, 2009 I was all set to use my career and my bodybuilding as a platform for witnessing. Everything was FINALLY coming together. The different pieces and parts of my life were coalescing into a completeness that was comfortable, routine. I like routine... there is security and assurance in routine. Routine helps men feel secure because it creates the illusion that WE are in control.

But for freakshow, Type-A, highly driven men like me, nothing is as uncomfortable as change. It is especially uncomfortable when change is thrust upon me without my participation. The Bible tells us that God is in control and that God loves us and that he orders our steps... but it sure isn't fun, dude!! This is where the baby christian becomes forged into the mature christian. Change is hard. And the game changed in January, 2010 in so many ways.

Everything I thought I knew in December, 2009 has been retold. Every plan that I had in December, 2009 has been set aside. I was honest with the guys in my Bible Study; I have no five year plan, or one year plan, or one month plan... I don't know what I am doing this afternoon. Every time I make a plan, God seems to change it.

But I have known for several months that God was calling me to a new life in which I relied on him in a deeper way. He is calling me to a new level of maturity in which all of my actions and all of my decisions are his... when I truly live for him.

Whoa... talk about a scary place to be!! And to those who are new christians or non-christians, you seem like a nutsy crazy-pants. "You mean, you are going to pray to see where to eat lunch?" Yes, I am going to ask God for guidance on everything.

Thessalonians 5:16-18 "Be joyful always; pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus."

It has taken me years and years to understand this simple passage. And for men like me, it totally goes against my nature. There are 365 different times in the Bible when God says, "do not be afraid". But then he calls us to take our life and give it to him. And when he says to let him be in control, he is not talking about our prayer life or where we work or which church to go to.

"I am going to live for Christ!!"
"Really? Great? How?"
"I am going to teach a 6 week Sunday school course... but I can only really do 3 weeks... so for the next 2 weeks I will teach Sunday school!"

Is that "living" for him? Uh.... no really.

It is uncomfortable, it is difficult and it is scary. But this is where God's will is revealed and his love is proven. When I live this way, I am constantly amazed at where I end up! My mind and my flesh rebel, but when viewed totally dispassionately, I can see how this way of life is how we are intended to live! It goes against our nature because we are taught all our lives to make life as you see fit. We are told, "You can do anything if you work hard enough." From an early age, "Make it happen!"

Lord, help me to understand the POWER in letting go. Help me to live my day in the moment, and not in the future. Proverbs 27:1 - "Do not boast about tomorrow since you do not know what the day may bring." How true!!

This is a great skit about our need for control. Have a great week and think about letting God exercise his love for you through the choices you allow HIM to make for you.

Did God tear my triceps? Is it his fault?

Did God tear my triceps? This question, while seemingly simple, is not easily answered.

Fact: God is in control of everything.
Fact: God orders your life and his divine providence is astoundingly accurate.
Fact: When you dedicate your life to God’s purposes, as I have done many times, he uses you in the way he decrees; you can’t run away.
Fact: We are healed through the blood of Christ.
Fact: All things work together for good for those who are called according to his purpose.

My triceps tore into pieces, but I have an excellent surgeon, who is a man of faith (I didn’t know that until recently) and the surgery went extremely well. I am expected to make a 100% recovery. During this period, I have learned a lot about myself and my sport; I am changed in my attitudes. I see the need to have balance in my life. I now understand how I can serve others through my sport.

So was this injury “good” or was it “bad”? Huh? Was it? Speak up?

Yeah, not so simple, huh?

It was clearly “bad” because it hurt!! It was “bad” because it caused me emotional, physical and spiritual pain! But is that enough? I totally ruptured my biceps tendon in 2003 and within a few months I was training, competing and winning strongman contests. Today, it is fully healed. I barely remember the rehab. I remember the cast hurt and it was hard to sleep; but that is it. I expect this will be the same. So to a God who was there when the singularity exploded, what is six months of pain and inconvenience compared to total restoration? Does that brief period make it “bad”? Clearly not,… it makes it a “trial”, for sure. But those are promised to us. Paul tells us we WILL have trials and tribulations in our life. (BTW, For the science geeks among us, six months versus the time since the Big Bang is a ratio of 274,000,000,000:1)

Does God cause bad things to happen to his people? Well, in Jonah’s story, he caused the storm to come. He caused the fish to swallow him. He caused the worm to eat the vine. All of these things were “bad” things to Jonah, but served God’s purposes. And unlike the story of Job, in which god allowed afflictions to Job, in Jonah’s story the Bible is clear that God caused these things to happen.

I am convinced that I am injured, and healing, for a purpose. I am convinced that God is using this to (1) further his ministry through me and (2) bless me. He knows the desire of my heart. According to Proverbs: “A righteous man is granted the desires of his heart”. The desire of my heart is to be respected as an athlete. In the past, God has turned injuries from bad to good before for me!! He will with this one as well.

Let us not forget the man, Paul. A wealthy educated Roman citizen, he was beaten, stoned, mocked, ship wrecked, bitten by a snake (on the nose I believe), arrested and imprisoned for a huge portion of his life; by any scale, “bad” things happened to Paul. But he wrote thirteen glorious letters of strength, faith, joy and perseverance!! He is the basis of the New Testament following the Gospel!!

So in asking if God causes “bad” things to happen to his people, let’s first define “bad”. Painful, confusing, difficult, dangerous, stressful…. I would posit that those words don’t describe “bad” things from a Christian perspective. I would suggest that something is “bad” if it seperates you from God!!! Sin separates us from God. Sin is certainly “bad”. But does my triceps injury separate me from God? NO!! In fact, it has helped me understand my relationship with God to a greater degree! From this injury, God has placed around me men and women who have helped me understand the need for balance and change. I am blessed from this! This blog has arisen from this injury!

Praise God!! I am so thankful for the difficulties of January!! So many things are getting resolved and fixed by his mighty hand!!! And my body is ONE of those things! I am thankful beyond acknowledgment!!

So did God cause my triceps to tear? I think he could have! I think he saw it as an opportunity to bless me without permanently harming me!! He knows that I am healed of it! He knows that I will be fully restored! He knew it before it happened!! He also knows the blessings flowing from it and the maturity that I gained from this episode!

I have no idea if God caused this injury or allowed this injury and frankly, I don’t care. I reject the idea that it is knowable. But I do accept and receive that God is using this in my life to take me to a new level of relationship with him and a new level of service.

Today's Michtam....

A michtam, or miktam, is a Golden Psalm. Written at times of great distress and need, King David wrote this as praise. Read Psalm 16 for an example of what a michtam is... turning to God when you need him.

Yesterday, I got good news about my surgery and my arm, followed closely by bad news about everything else. A new crisis for 2010 has emerged. I can so clearly see God's hand busy in my life, but he is moving in ways that are not comfortable at all. He is moving in ways that are full of strife. It is very scary.

So, I am going to write a new michtam, psalm, today. It isn't a prayer... prayer is too passive. It is my goal to cry out to the Lord in this blog.

"You have assigned me my portion and my cup, my lot is secure." says Psalm 16.

"For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." Jer 29:11.

Right now, God is dealing with me, in the same way he sometimes deals with your life. The verses above promise that ithis process is a glorious thing; but MAN!! WHEW!! It isn't fun at all! I read a verse yesterday Titus 2:14, that says that Jesus came and died.... "...to redeem us from all wickedness and to purify for himself a people that are his very own, eager to do what is good." I realize, I am in the process of purification right now.

Ladies and gentlemen, in a word, purifying sucks. You know how you purify something? You break it apart, and then put it back together. You stress it beyond its capacity, and then slowly bring it back in a better state. In purification, you boil water, then let it cool slowly. You take metal and fire it super, super hot in a furnace to burn out all of the impurities, then let it cool slowly lest it get brittle. Purifying.... sounds great, huh? Sure, it sounds great afterwards but in the middle of being boiled or fired the water and the metal don't like it one bit!! Do I like it? Not while I am in the middle of it, big guy! While in the middle of it, you scream at God the entire time, "Why?? Why????" But in the end... the water is clean and fresh and drinkable for your thirst. And the metal is hardened, sharpened and able to accomplish greater goals than before.

I thought I was a strong guy. Strong enough to hold two 400 pound pillars up, that's crazy strong right? (see picture!) But right now, I have the injury to my arm so I can't train, my competitions are off, my work stress has quadrupled, the demands on my time are crushing me and now I am having an issue at home that is serious and must be addressed. Oh, and the basement flooded and the bathtub is leaking. Hmmm... I am leaving other things out, but those are the highlights. Add to that, God keeps sending people into my path that need some ministering. I want to cry and moan and be pathetic, but I find myself surrounded by hurting people with God and the Holy Spirit nudging me every day to say, "Love them." A friend with a baby who is seriously ill. A friend who is angry with God and can't trust him. A friend who is unhappy with his life and needs encouragement. What do you do? You muster up whatever is left and do it, because you love them. But then you turn to God and say, "What about me?? Ease MY pain!!", but I can't because God has told me over and over again that this period of my life, though painful, he means for Good. He isn't punishing me, he is purifying me.

So even though I want to be mad. Even though I want to run away, I am going to write a Psalm of Praise. I want to choose to be thankful in the many trials I have right now, including the newest one from yesterday that is potentially the biggest trial I will have all year. I will choose to praise him even when I don't feel like it because he will honor that. Always remember that if you wait to feel thankful, you will always live apart from God; your feelings and emotions will betray you. I am strong, because I am strong IN CHRIST. I will be better afterwards IN CHRIST.

Remember the movie, "Facing the Giants"? The Coach made the team adopt the philosophy, "We will praise him when we win and we will praise him when we lose." David was a man after God's own heart, even though he sometimes failed, (remember that pesky murder thing?). I believe that he was a man after God's own heart because he was a man of praise. I want to be a man of praise as well. I am circled in on all sides, but my path was created by the Lord who set the planets in motion.

A Psalm of Mike

Oh, Lord, you know all of my faults and you know all of my thoughts and you have ordered my life according to your purposes.

Have mercy on my weakness. When I ask you "Why?" and when I beg of you, "Why me??", forgive me and look upon me as your child. Scared and weak and seeking your face.

When a child is young, he doesn't like medicine, he rebels against the treatment of doctors, but through them he gets health. He sees it as punishment rather than a blessing.

Lord, I too often come to you like a child and ask you for things from my childish nature. Forgive me, Lord and look upon me as a father of patience and love. If you rebuke me, rebuke me gently and in lovewith compassion for my lack of understanding.

You have ordered my steps, and the steps of everyone around me. You control the weather, the birds and the hours of the day. Your providence is unbounded.

And you have told me in your Word, that you wish to bless me, that you want me
to enjoy an abundent life. That my path is set. That you love me, care for me and seek to bless me. You are the hope and my strength.

Praise to you, my Lord and Savior!! Praise to you, oh God, who sees what I cannot
who knows how to make good out of hard, who can make triumph come from
tragedy and waste. Did you not make men out of dust? Did you not make manna from dew? Surely, you can make blessings fall down on me from on high within the
boundaries of life.

Thank you, Dear Father, for the circumstances I am in right now.
Thank you, Father God, for the resolutions that are in place that I cannot see.
Thank you, Holy One, for the blessings you intend for me after my time of purification.
Thank you, Beloved, that you enable me, through the Holy Spirit, to have boundless joy and otherworldly peace when the world and the flesh tell me that all is lost.
Above all, I thank you Almighty One that you only mean for me to bless me, not curse or punish me. You intend all of this for good because you can see the end, the victory, the goal even when I cannot.

My body will heal. My life will become ordered in your way. My thoughts will come into line with your thoughts. In the meantime, my only prayer is that you commune with me. Let me feel your love and glory shining on me so that your purposes, while hidden, are mindful at all times.

The path of my life is crooked, but ends in your glory.

Amen.

Late night musings

My plan is to update this blog every week, but here I am blogging early in the morning again on the second day of my michtam... old men can't sleep, donchaknow?

I am so thirsty and really want a big, tall glass of ice water. But they said nothing to eat or drink after midnight, so no water for me. Blech! You know "they" said it, so I must comply. I don't want to vomit from the anesthesia, so I guess its a good thing. Still, when you are thirsty you want to drink, right? I will think of something else... icebergs... mountain streams... condensation on the side of a delicious glass of water... dammit. :(

I have to admit, I am scared about the surgery. It's going to hurt. In the end, it will be okay because I am being operated on by a rock star, Evan Ekman. When people ask me who is going to do my surgery, and I say that its Dr. Ekman, they always say, "Ekman??!! OOooooohhhhhh.... he's gggggooooooddddddd!!!" He has done my two other sports related surgeries and both were successful. This one is old hat to him, a routine sports medicine procedure. Still, it's going to hurt regardless. I hope I have good drugs.

The medial triceps tendon is a big, thick tendon with very little vascularity. That means that it will take a long time to heal. Once it heals, it will probably be very strong and solid, but the time it takes to get healed can be lengthy. We shall see. Did I mention that it will hurt? Yuck.

My father came down from Rock Hill to drive me to the surgery tomorrow because my father in law is having his portrait unveiling at the courthouse tonight. I am going to miss it and that makes me sick! Oh well, it is par for the course for 2010 that the timing sucks. I hope they have fun. I hope I am resting comfortably in the bed.

I hope to have some funny stories from the hospital. Last time I went, Betsy passed out in the recovery room because she was hungry. Isn't it just like a woman to take my moment and make it all about her? hahaha!! She was fine, but it was sort of funny, too! Actually, the look on Evan's face as she sunk to the floor was priceless. It was sort of a "WTH is up with you?" sort of look. Everyeone left me and I stitched up body to fend for myself as they tended to the fallen spouse. I hope Dad doesn't fall out!

sigh... maybe I can get back to sleep now... tired but nervous... let me conclude with this videoclip from the documentary "Something to Say" about Matthew West. It's the perfect song for me right now. Matthew has the values and the attitude I want people to remember about me.

Michtam of Mike

What in the world is a michtam? Well, when David wrote the Psalms, some of them were entitled "michtams" or "a michtam of David". These were psalms (songs) that were written at particularly difficult times of King David's life. The loose definition of michtam is "golden" or "precious".

So, I am going to create a precious, golden blog to help me through a rough passage of my life. For many years my refuge was in the weight room. It was my rocky place, my outcropping from which I could escape and be totally me and at peace. But on January 2, 2010, during the very first exercise of my very first training day, I tore my left medial triceps tendon. Don't do triceps extensions behind you head.... nothing good happens behind your neck in a weight room!! Tomorrow, January 20, 2010, I will have surgery to repair it and the long road to recovery will begin.

I have never blogged before, so I am learning as I go. And I choose this name because of David. When things got tough, he praised God harder. I want to be like that. I want to praise God in my current state because it is part of his plan for me. And David wasn't any better than me; yeah, sure sometimes I cuss too much and I let my mind wander but I haven't murdered anyone so that I could sleep with his wife!! uhm... yet... David was a horndog, for sure. He wasn't perfect. But isn't it nice that he didn't have to be!? And God considered him "A man after my own heart". Perhaps he knew something; perhaps being a man of praise and worship helped him through the tough times.

Let me share with you the michtam of David known as Psalm 16:

Psalm 16

A miktam of David.

Keep me safe, O God,for in you I take refuge. I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord; apart from you I have no good thing." As for the saints who are in the land, they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight. The sorrows of those will increase who run after other gods. I will not pour out their libations of blood or take up their names on my lips. LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup; you have made my lot secure. The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places; surely I have a delightful inheritance. I will praise the LORD, who counsels me; even at night my heart instructs me. I have set the LORD always before me. Because he is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices; my body also will rest secure, because you will not abandon me to the grave, nor will you let your Holy One see decay. You have made known to me the path of life; you will fill me with joy in your presence, with eternal pleasures at your right hand.

Wow! And this was when he was SAD!! Oh, and my cut and paste talents are weak and childish... must... learn... to... cut... better... argh!

What I am going to do with this blog is outline my physical/mental/spiritual journey from here. I know that God has a plan for me and I believe that it includes my experiences and knowledge and gifts that God has given to me in the world of strength training and conditioning. Some days will be hard and some will suck, but all of them will work towards Good. And maybe, maybe,... maybe we will have some fun along the way as well!